


Demon To Lean On

by effyrodriguez



Category: Marvel, X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 02:21:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8779354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/effyrodriguez/pseuds/effyrodriguez
Summary: Takes place after XMDOFP. Alex returns, but he's struggling to hold himself together. Help comes from  the most unexpected places. Warnings for: PTSD and depression.





	1. Chapter 1

Alex slumped down on the edge of the bed, exhausted. He sat for a moment tapping Hank's letter in his hand. He let out a sigh, bit at his lip, and began tearing at the sealed flap of the envelope. Then he pulled the sheet of paper out of the envelope and began reading.

Dear Alex,

Haven't heard from you in a while, I'm a bit worried. I'm sure it's nothing serious. You've probably just been too busy. Sorry, I'm rambling. You probably don't care...Anyway, I've been working on a serum. I know you're rolling your eyes right now, but hear me out…You still probably don't want to hear my 'boring' scientific explanation. So, the simplest way I can explain this is to say that I've been able to tame the beast form. There hasn't been any complications, so far. Do you know what this means? We won't have to live in fear anymore. It's going to change things, for the better. I can feel it...And then there's Charles. He's not getting any better. I actually think he's gotten worse. He's been skipping meals. I can't get him to talk, either. He just stays in his room. And you know me. When the going gets tough, I bury myself in work...I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Why'd you have to leave us. We need you. You always knew how to make him laugh. I'm trying, but he just won't listen to me. He's too far gone...I'm sorry. I'm being selfish and stupid. It's not like you had any choice. It's just…I can't do everything on my own anymore. I'm so tired...I never thought I'd say this, but I wish we were back in Cuba. At least we had each other to lean on…I hope you're all right. If you're not…God, I don't know what I would do without you.

— Hank

Tears welled up in his eyes as he finished reading the letter. Till now he thought Hank was just being polite. And his letters were his way of helping Alex take his mind off things, knowing that the war was taking its toll on him. But, Hank actually did miss him. He knew he had to go back now. As his eyes grew heavy, he laid back into the bed. He went to sleep with the letter clutched tight in his hand.

* * *

 

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," Alex said as he pulled his collar away from his neck, feeling the increasing heat. He could feel the bones ache in his feet. The sweltering heat beating down on his back did nothing to comfort him. He raised his arm to blot the sweat dripping down his face and over his stubble. He rubbed his sleeves over his eyes in hope to tame the burning sensation as he chanted 'don't cry' over and over again.

The next thing he knew he was standing outside of the mansion. "Wow. I don't remember it ever being that big." he muttered.

As he walked up to the door his hands began to shake. "Pull yourself together, man," he told himself. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then slowly let it out. "Just think happy thoughts. Don't let your emotions take over. Just relax." he managed to say between breaths. When he opened them again, he felt calmer. He wiped his hand over his hair and took another deep breath before ringing the doorbell.

Hank opened the door and greeted him with a warm smile. Charles was beside him, in a wheelchair.

Alex tilted his head to the side with a cocky grin. "Sup bozo."

Hank nodded. "Alex."

Both stood there in silence for a moment and then both burst out laughing.

"Come here," Hank said as he pulled him into a tight hug.

Alex winced slightly when the other hugged him tighter and was glad that Hank didn't notice the reaction. Then, Alex put his hands on his shoulders and looked him over. "Looking good! Have you gotten taller?" He held him at arm's length.

Hank rolled his eyes. "Shut up."

Alex snorted.

A smile graced Hank's features. "It's good to see you."

A comfortable silence filled the air. They stared at each other, silently taking in the years of absence.

Charles silently watched the two men, frowning. He had noticed Alex wince and was now certain that something wasn't right. He waited a beat, then cleared his throat. "Hank, why don't you go set the table."

Hank stood there for a moment staring first at Alex, then at Charles.

"Go. We'll be fine."

Hank nodded and made his way back to the kitchen.

Charles waited till he was out of hearing, then turning to Alex he said, "Alex you don't have to pretend, you know."

"Excuse me?"

"I know that you're hurting right now, and you're afraid. But, you're safe here."

"I…" Pressing a trembling hand to his mouth, Alex stifled a sob and slid down the door to the cold floor. He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. Tears were streaming down his face.

Charles hesitated, then rolled his wheelchair over to him. He put a firm hand on his shoulder. "You took care of me and supported me when I needed you. Now it's my turn to help you."

Alex looked up at him and gave him a small smile.

"Why don't you go and wash up? Lunch will be ready soon."

He nodded then pushed himself off the floor.

As Alex let the hot water flow over him, he let out a deep sigh. He was beyond tired. As he scrubbed his body, he found himself leaning against the wall for support. Suddenly he felt a dull ache on the left side of his head. "Not again," he mumbled. He quickly rinsed off and stepped out, grabbing a towel. He wrapped the towel around his waist then walked into his bedroom.

As he finished getting dressed, there was a knock at his door. "It's open," he called out. The door opened and Hank stood there. "Lunch is ready."

He nodded. "I'll be there in a minute," Hank did not move right away, however. He frowned. "Was there something else?"

Uneasily, Hank shuffled his feet, cleared his throat and said to Alex, "There's something you need to know." Alex motioned him to continue. "So...Um...Erik and Raven are staying here."

Alex's face fell. "What!"

Hank sighed. "Look, I don't like the idea either, but…" Alex bolted out of the room and hurried away. "Alex! Where are you going?"

Alex hurried down the steps, anger seething in his heart. As he reached the bottom of the stairs, he saw that Charles was waiting for him.

He huffed out a breath of air and he just kept walking.

"Alex."

He stopped but didn't turn around. "When were you going to tell me?"

"Alex—"

He spun around, his face hot with anger, and marched toward him."You're willing to forgive him after everything he's put you…us through? He betrayed us. He should be in that wheelchair. Not you. He—"

He cried out as the dull ache of pain in his head returned. He put his hand to his head. He began to feel dizzy and the room began to spin around.

"You need to calm down, Alex."

"He's right." Alex blinked as he turned his head to see Erik walking towards them. Then he shook his head and looked down at the floor. "We don't need you blowing up the place just because you think I'm a jerk." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw him smirk in amusement. "Besides, you're making Raven uncomfortable."

"You honestly think I give a shit?"

"Alex!" Charles said sternly.

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes.

He turned to walk away, but Erik grabbed his arm. He looked him right in the eye. "Drop the attitude, Alex. It doesn't suit you."

Erik looked him over more closely now. His face looked paler than usual, his eyes more sunken. He had beads of sweat dripping from his brow. Erik eyed him warily. Alex yanked his arm out of his grasp and continued to walk away.

* * *

 

Alex's hands were resting on the table, his fists clenched, the knuckles white.

He glanced around at the others. Everyone else had already begun to eat, with no one saying a word. The tension in the room was unbearable. He swallowed the lump beginning to form in his throat.

As he swirled the food around on his plate, he glanced up at Erik. He was staring at him.

"Go on, eat it up." Erik said, with a smirk.

All eyes were on Alex. He squirmed in his seat, which made the chair creak. He could feel his hands sweating and his heart pounding loud and hard. He looked at his plate, his stomach churning. He couldn't do it. He couldn't. He looked around and saw everyone's attention drawn to Raven. She decided to break the ice by talking about her latest encounter with another mutant. He sighed in relief. As the conversation continued, he began feeling hot.

"Shit, it's hot!" Alex muttered, pulling at his collar and fanning himself with his napkin.

Hank gave him a puzzled look. He tried to smile but grimaced in pain. Hank was trying to get up out of his seat, now.

"I'm fine," Alex mouthed.

They both turned their attention to Raven.

But as Alex continued to stare his vision became fuzzy. He closed his eyes. Raven's words became muffled, far away. He felt like there was a very heavy weight on his chest. Alex hissed in pain, squeezing his eyes shut.

Charles felt Alex's distress. "Are you alright?"

Alex got up from his seat."I'm fine. I just need some air."

Charles gave a slight nod but Alex did not make a move to leave. He gave him a curious glance. "What's—".

Alex's eyes rolled back in his head and he fell to the ground, his body convulsing.

Raven gasped in horror.

Hank moved quickly around the table, and moved Alex's chair out of the way. He crouched down and gently moved Alex over so that he lay on his side.

"What do we do now?" Raven said, barely above a whisper.

"We wait," Hank called over his shoulder.

After thirty seconds the convulsions stopped. Alex's eyes fluttered open and he suppressed a small moan.

"Oh, Alex!" Raven cried as she rushed over to him.

Hank put out an arm, stopping her. "Give him some room."

Alex looked up at him and furrowed his eyebrows. "What happened?"

"You had a seizure."

"Shit," he groaned. He tried to sit up, but gentle hands pushed him back down.

"Easy there."

He groaned once again as he suddenly felt wetness on the front of his pants. He glanced down at the wet patch and felt his cheeks flare up in embarrassment.

Hank turned his attention toward Erik. "Do you mind helping me take Alex to his room?"

"Of course not," Erik said as he made his way over to the other side of Alex.

Erik and Hank grabbed an arm each and lifted him up to a standing position.

They each wrapped an arm around his waist.

"Take him to one of the guest rooms. It'll be easier," Charles said, finally speaking up.

They both nodded and walked away.

* * *

 

Running a hand through his disheveled hair, Alex let out a long sigh. He brought a glass to his lips and took a long swallow, the cold water soothing his throat as it went down. His whole body was shaking and he was drenched in sweat.

It was always like this. He'd wake in a cold sweat, with a gunshot echoing in his dream. Charles would utter a piercing scream, and fall to the ground. Or he would watch as his friends died right in front of him. And there was nothing he could do.

Finishing off the water, he slammed the glass to the counter and walked out.

* * *

 

Erik lay in his bed with Charles snuggled up next to him. He ran his fingers through Charles's hair, and with the other hand he held a book.

Charles sighed, "I should check up on—" the thought was interrupted by a boom, echoing and close. Charles winced in pain.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Alex."

Erik quickly jumped to his feet. He moved to the other side of the bed and lifted Charles off the bed and into his wheelchair.

He burst through the door, pushing Charles in the wheel chair. They hurried towards the guest room. They approached Hank and Raven who stood with horror and fear written on their faces. They could hear screaming from behind the door.

Erik stepped closer to the door, his hand hovering over the doorknob. He pulled his hand away fast. He could feel the heat coming off.

Another piercing scream filled the air.

"He's lost control of his powers. You have to put him down. We can't afford anyone else getting hurt," Erik said calmly.

Charles nodded. He put his fingers to his temples and closed his eyes.

Erik ran to the kitchen and grabbed the fire extinguisher from the wall. As he approached them once again, he noticed Hank was in his beast form.

They waited a few minutes until the screaming died down, before Hank kicked the door down. Erik started to tame the flames as Hank ran over to the unconscious Alex. He scooped him up into his arms and hurried back outside the room. He gently laid him on the floor before he went back to help Erik. Raven knelt down and carefully held Alex's head in her lap. Charles rolled over to her and gave her a small smile.

"He will never be the same again. It's all Erik's fault," she said through gritted teeth.

"My dear, how could you possibly think such a thing?" She rolled her eyes at him. "Don't let your personal feelings cloud your judgement."

"You're one to talk!" He looked at her shocked. "And unlike you, I don't buy into his bullshit, not anymore."

He gave her a disappointed look. "Raven."

She shook her head. "No. I should have killed him when I had the chance."

 


	2. Chapter 2

As Alex headed towards the lab he felt a strange wave like sensation in his head.

_"I don't think you've thought this through.There are other ways."_ Charles spoke calmly through their link.

"Charles, get out of my head! I know what I'm doing." he yelled frustrated.

_"Just be careful,"_ Charles sighed and Alex felt the sensation slowly slip away.

He sighed as well before pushing the door to the lab open which he gently closed behind him.

Alex came upon Hank working which brought a large toothy grin to his face.

He was sitting quietly in his chair while he looked through his microscope. He wheeled around in his swivel chair and rolled himself backward, grabbing a notebook off the table.

Alex watched him scribble something down in his notebook. He was now standing right in front of Hank, but he did not seem to be aware of his presence, so he coughed, startling him.

The pencil Hank had been writing with snapped in two. He glanced up at him sharply and then frowned.

The bags under Alex's eyes seemed more prominent than before. He had one arm wrapped around his chest, cradling his hurt ribs.

Hank took a deep breath. "Alex, you need to rest and—"

"That serum you were working on, what was it again?" he cut him off.

Hank pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. "Why do you…" Alex gave him a knowing look. "I don't want you anywhere near that thing."

"Well, I'm not asking for your permission."

He turned back to look through the microscope. "There has been some complications." he said, emphasizing his last word.

"I'll take my chances."

"It's very unstable."

Alex chuckled, realizing they were getting nowhere fast. "You can't talk me out of it," he declared.

Hank shrugged. "I'm just warning you it could backfire."

"I don't care. I nearly got you killed." he said, his voice rising.

"But you didn't."

"I could have," Alex said weakly, running a hand over his face and looking ready to collapse. "And I can't risk losing any of you." he added, and Hank heard the strain in his voice.

He swirled his chair around to face him. "And if something were to happen—"

"If something happens to me, then you will let it happen."

Hank shook his head. "Look, I've been talking it over with Charles and we think it's best if we simply erased your memory."

"That would be too risky, as well. I can't put Charles in that position."

"He knows what he's doing." he snapped back.

Alex sighed deeply. "Let's just drop it, all right?" Then he gripped the edge of the table to steady himself. Hank looked at him worried. "I'm not going through with it."

Hank pushed his glasses up to rub the bridge of his nose. "I know it may seem like I'm an asshole, but after everything we've been through, I'm just finding it very hard to understand your reasoning. Do you want to end up like . . .Charles? Cause from where I'm standing, it seems like you don't care anymore."

"Screw you, man." Alex slammed his hand down on the table. "Fuck!" he screamed.

Hank pursed his lips together. He did not seem surprised by the sudden burst of anger. "It's him, isn't it?"

"What are you talking about?" Alex asked annoyed.

"Ever since you knew Erik would be staying with us you've been on edge."

He snorted exasperated. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Then tell me."

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me," Hank said narrowing his eyes.

"He has no right being here. He wasn't there to help Charles whenever he would wake up screaming from a nightmare. Nor was he there when he would seclude himself in his room, crying himself to sleep. But I was. I was there suffering along with him. I understood his pain. And on top of all that, Charles wanted me to lead the team. A team that was falling apart to begin with...You don't know what that's like."

He waited for some kind of response but Hank just stood there glaring at Alex, and he glared right back at him.

"Is everything alright?" They both looked towards the door. Erik was standing there, with his lips pressed into a thin line and his eyebrow raised.

They remained silent.

As he made his way over to them he kept his eyes focused on Alex. He was now glaring at him, his hands balled into fists.

Erik stopped in front of them and crossed his arms over his chest. "Well?" he prompted.

"Yeah, I was just leaving," Alex answered. He glared at Erik once more before exiting the room.

As soon as the door was closed Erik looked back at Hank.

He shook his head. "Just don't," he said, before leaving the room as well.

Erik stood alone in the room arms crossed, staring, dazed and in shock, at the door.

* * *

 Alex took one last look at the mansion before slinging a bag over his shoulder and walking away.

Suddenly Erik stepped out of the shadows to intercept him. "Going somewhere?"

"Gah!" he sputtered, his arms flailing before he recovered his balance. "Jesus, you scared me," he said as he clutched his hand to his chest.

Erik smiled in amusement. "Sorry."

"And yeah, just going…for a walk."

"Ah," he nodded. "Should we save you a plate?"

Alex looked at him oddly. "Huh?"

"Since you won't be back in time for dinner."

"Oh, of course."

He continued to walk away until Erik spoke up once again. "You can't fool me, Alex—I can see right through you, so let's be perfectly blunt. I could care less if you left."

Alex snorted, shaking his head. "Likewise."

"But I do care for Charles. And ever since you came back he's been happy. Frankly, I'd like to keep it that way."

Alex threw his hands in the air, defeated. "I'm not in control anymore. It's better for everyone this way."

"What good would it do? Nothing's going to change if you leave now. Your best bet is to stay here." Erik paused, choosing his words carefully. "I know this must be hard for you. But you're not the only one who's been going through a lot of shit. They're hurting just like you."

"You don't understand. I need to do this. And there's nothing you can say to change my mind, Erik."

Erik rolled his eyes. "Fine, go right ahead. Don't say I didn't warn you."

* * *

 Alex paused for a moment and looked up at the sky. _"It's getting pretty dark. Maybe I should head back."_ He sighed, starting towards the mansion. "Erik's right," he mumbled aloud. _"I can't do this alone."_

For some time he continued walking along the path, but something didn't feel right. He paused once again, squinting his eyes as he examined the area around him. Suddenly he saw something move out of the corner of his eye. He looked in the direction of the creature, but nothing was there. Once more it flashed before his eyes.

"What do you want," he yelled. It didn't reply right away, so he just kept walking. After several steps he felt a tap on his shoulder. "Leave me alone," he said as he spun around, releasing a red beam of energy from his chest.

The creature cried out in surprise and pain before falling to the ground. Alex glanced down at it for a moment. It was human and it wasn't moving.

Alex ran a hand through his hair. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!" he cursed before taking a deep breath. "I'm so screwed." He sighed, knowing that there was no one around to help. He slowly bent down next to the motionless body. Then he reached out his hand and checked for a pulse. There was none. _"This isn't happening. This can't be happening."_ He repeated it in his head over and over. He turned his head away sharply. The smell of burnt flesh was starting to make him nauseous.

"You can't stay here. Run!" a voice shouted. He leaped to his feet and began running wildly through the trees. Eventually he stopped as an uneasy feeling began to gnaw at his stomach. He had no time to question as the bile rose swiftly in his throat. He desperately tried to keep the vomit down, but to no avail and puked all over himself. He moved a step forward, but fell flat on his face just before passing out.

 


End file.
